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The Female Orgasm: Why You Can’t Climax

Published | 6 min read

The female orgasm can be complex as what works for one woman might not work for another. Here’s what you need to know about achieving that pleasurable peak.

Asian couple sitting apart in a bedroom, wife feeling upset about the inability to achieve female orgasm.

Some women find it easier to achieve, while others take much longer to get there. While no two women’s orgasm experience is alike, it’s no doubt that orgasms feel good. If you’re questioning what the female orgasm feels like and are having trouble climaxing, keep reading to find out how to improve your experience in the bedroom. 

Types of Female Orgasms

Husband holding wife up, embracing her.
Men and women experience orgasms in very different ways.

Each woman’s experience of orgasms can be different, and not all women can experience every type. But they would agree that there’s more than one way to reach a climax. 

Experts say there are three kinds of female orgasms: 

  1. Clitoral orgasm: Achieved by stimulation of the clitoris 
  2. Vaginal orgasm: Involves stimulation of the vagina, either through penetration or external stimulation 
  3. G-spot orgasm: Involves stimulation of the sensitive area (or G-spot) located on the front wall of the vagina 

Some women can climax using a combination of the above for a more intense experience, while others have difficulty reaching or have never experienced an orgasm. It also takes women a longer time to climax compared to men. So, why is it harder for women? 

Why You Can’t Climax 

Woman in bed, covering the bottom half of her face with a blanket.
Achieving orgasm can be difficult for women due to a complex interplay of physical, psychological, and even sociocultural factors.

A Journal of Sexual Medicine study reveals that female sexual dysfunction (FSD) is highly prevalent among women globally, with a large proportion of women experiencing multiple sexual dysfunctions. Female sexual dysfunction can include: 

  • Genito-pelvic pain/penetration disorder: You experience significant pain when having intercourse.  
  • Female sexual interest/arousal disorder: You’re interested in sex but have difficulty getting aroused during sexual activity.  
  • Hypoactive sexual desire disorder: You have low sexual desire or interest. 
  • Female orgasmic disorder (FOD): You’re unable to achieve orgasm. 

What TCM says about orgasms and sexual dysfunction 

In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), imbalances in the flow of energy or qi in the body can cause female sexual dysfunction. 

“Women with female sexual dysfunction experience pain during sexual intercourse, a reduced sense of arousal, and difficulty in achieving orgasm. Overactive pelvic floor muscles and pelvic pain can also contribute to female sexual dysfunction.” 

TCM Physician Lim Sock Ling.

The two imbalances of qi that lead to female sexual dysfunction are: 

  • Liver Qi Stagnation: “The Liver and Kidneys are associated with the reproductive organs. A lack of sexual desire is associated with stress, which can result in Liver Qi Stagnation,” says Physician Lim.  
  • Kidney Deficiency: The Kidneys are also considered the source of sexual energy. “Liver and Kidney Yin Deficiency results in a dry vagina, which causes pain during sexual intercourse and makes it more difficult to orgasm. Women with this body constitution tend to experience night perspiration, thirst, and a short menstrual cycle. Kidney Yang Deficiency may also lead to low sexual desire,” explains Physician Lim. 

TCM Remedies to Enhance Orgasms 

Young couple drinking tea together in the bedroom
Rosebud tea eases Liver qi and helps with sexual function in TCM.

If you’re experiencing more “mehs” in the bedroom and want more “ooohs”, TCM might be able to help. TCM’s holistic approach to health includes a combination of treatments to enhance sensation and orgasms.

These remedies and treatments are recommended to improve your chances of climaxing. However, consult a licensed TCM physician before trying any herbal remedies. Seek treatment from a professional acupuncturist for your acupuncture session. 

Acupuncture 

A study on premenopausal women with hypoactive sexual desire disorder shows that acupuncture helps improve sexual function. There is an increase in desire, arousal, lubrication, and orgasm,” says Physician Lim. 

“Acupuncture treatment helps move qi and calm your mind. It promotes relaxation, which helps women achieve better orgasms. In a study of 24 females, acupuncture improved female sexual dysfunction by 100%.”  

TCM Physician Lim Sock Ling

Herbal remedies 

There are TCM herbs that you can take to nourish your body and help with achieving orgasms. “Ease Liver qi with rose tea, mimosa tree bark (he huan pi, 合欢皮) or Xiao Yao San (消遥散) formula,” suggests Physician Lim. “You can also nourish Liver and Kidney yin with Zuo Gui Wan (左归丸) and replenish Kidney Fire with You Gui Wan (右归丸).” 

Diet therapy 

What you eat can make or break your chances of climaxing too. “Cut down on meat and sweets as they can result in Qi Stagnation. Vitamin B complex helps relieve the effects of stress on the body and helps you feel calm. Zinc calms the central nervous system, blackcurrant seed oil helps with hormonal transitions, and magnesium relaxes muscles,” Physician Lim says. 

Fruits such as apples, watermelon, and cacao have been linked to enhanced vascular and sexual health, too, so that’s your green light to enjoy more of these. 

Excessive alcohol and smoking can affect your orgasms and pleasure in the bedroom, so avoid those if you can. 

Exercise 

You want to get your qi circulating to increase your likelihood of climaxing, and gentle exercises like yoga and Qigong can enhance this. “Side stretches act on the Liver meridians and helps move Liver qi,” notes Physician Lim. 

Moxibustion 

This treatment can help move qi, which in turn helps with achieving orgasms. “Moxibustion ‘bakes’ acupoints with burning moxa wool and can be used on acupoints tian shu (ST25, 天枢), shen que (CVRN8, 神阙), zhong wan (CVRN 12, 中脘), and guan yuan (CVRN4, 关元) to benefit those with Kidney Yang Deficiency,” advises Physician Lim. 

Clinical Treatments 

Hands holding sildenafil (Viagra) pills in blister package on a blue background
For some women, medication like Viagra or Cialis can help with orgasm.

Western medicine recommends the following solutions to help you achieve your sexual peaks:  

  1. Medications like sildenafil (Viagra) or tadalafil (Cialis) may improve sexual function and enhance orgasm in some women. Hormonal therapies, like topical testosterone, can also help with sexual function. 
  2. Pelvic physical therapy helps improve muscle tone and circulation in the pelvic region to enhance sexual function and orgasm. 
  3. Lifestyle changes like reducing stress, improving sleep, exercising regularly, and even undergoing couples therapy may help overall sexual function and satisfaction. 

The female orgasm can be complex but satisfying once you achieve it. If you’re finding it difficult to climax, the tips and advice above are worth trying. Before starting a new treatment, consult a healthcare provider or licensed TCM physician to find the best approach for you. 

Found any of the tips on achieving orgasm helpful? Share the love and any insight you may have on the topic below. 

References

  1. Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology. 2016. Determinants of female sexual orgasms. [Online] Available at: <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5087699/> [Accessed on 2 February 2023]
  2. Hormones and Behavior. 2011. Female sexual arousal: genital anatomy and orgasm in intercourse. [Online] Available at: <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3894744/> [Accessed on 3 February 2023]
  3. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2016. Incidence and Prevalence of Sexual Dysfunction in Women and Men: A Consensus Statement from the Fourth International Consultation on Sexual Medicine 2015. [Online] Available at: <https://academic.oup.com/jsm/article/13/2/144/6940252> [Accessed on 4 February 2023]
  4. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2020. Female Orgasm and Overall Sexual Function and Habits: A Descriptive Study of a Cohort of U.S. Women. [Online] Available at: <https://academic.oup.com/jsm/article/17/6/1133/6973609> [Accessed on 2 February 2023]
  5. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2016. Acupuncture in Premenopausal Women With Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder: A Prospective Cohort Pilot Study. [Online] Available at: <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5005297/ > [Accessed on 4 February 2023]
  6. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2022. Clinical Study on the Use of Acupuncture for the Treatment of Female Sexual Dysfunction: A Pilot Study. [Online] Available at: <https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2050116122000563#bib0003> [Accessed on 4 February 2023]

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Reviews (5)

Jul 17 2023

I like everything I read

Jun 22 2023

There have been loads of studies on men for erectile dysfunction. Plus they can get Viagra free under most insurance plans but when it comes to women’s problems with orgasms the almighty DEA has nothing to offer in the way of helping a woman orgasm.

They refuse to acknowledge compounded medications such as progesterone, estrodiol and testosterone therapy. So I have to pay $225.00 a month out of pocket. I’m a senior on disability and this really socks.

I personally feel if a woman has no cancer going back a generation on either side of her family. No issues with cysts or female issues. No female problems period then the DEA should pay for bio identical hormones!
What they’re offering up right now doesn’t work and it’s often inconvenient.

It’s my opinion the dea should pay for bio identical as they continue to seek out other ways a woman can increase her abilities to achieve a stand out orgasm.

I worked in pharmacy for many years. I first began my first job at a mom and pop pharmacy in 1971. Two years before the dea took over!! I am not a fan but I was also compounding meds for women to help her orgasm.
I personally feel the dea has no right to keep orgasms from a woman.
If she sees her gynecologist and is informed of any risks taking bio identical and agrees its right for her then the dea should cover this overly priced combination that helps a woman still feel like a girl in her 20’s. Well, maybe sometimes anyway.

The dea is all top powerful these days and has to loosen up a lot.
Now testosterone is a C2. Really? I must see my gyno twice a year because of this? Ridiculous.
There are far more restrictions the dea has which I won’t get into here.
I’m 70 years old and I’ve been taking bio identical over 25 years and I’ve never had a medical problem due to them. It’s my hope I can take them up and into my 90’s if I so wish.
Thank you.

Bob S.Jun 20 2023

As a male, I found it interesting that’s Cialis and Viagra can also help women. I had no idea but I guess it increases the circulation in the vaginal area. Article was rather interesting throughout. I’m on a medication called Nortriptyline for migraines but unfortunately it does affect other areas of my life. Did not realize it was an antidepressant and anti-anxiety when I was prescribed it. I found out later by reading up on it. Hard to do much research when you have a migraine headache which is due to Long Covid. It does work well for those migraines but unfortunately it does slow things down in the other department.

Finn GamiassJun 16 2023

I love that we are focussing more on women’s orgasms and how they can reach that elusive peak. Makes all involved part of the solution which has to be a win/win!

Jun 07 2023

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